July, size ten socks and shoes. With cookies and music.
I feel forgotten. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with, aside from my parents divorce, and I feel like nobody is there for me. Everyone else has shit going on. Why is everything so terrible.
“when there’s nothing left to burn you have to set yourself on fire” this is going to be the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I’d rather he be alive and not in my life than dead. And he’s already made it clear he’s done being my friend, so, it’s time.
I don’t like compliments. If I’m so wonderful, why don’t I have a boyfriend? I’m impatient for love. I have so much of it to give
"
1.
I say, ‘I am fat.’
He says ‘No, you are beautiful.’
I wonder why I cannot be both.
He kisses me
hard.
2.
My college theater professor once told me
that despite my talent,
I would never be cast as a romantic lead.
We do plays that involve singing animals
and children with the ability to fly,
but apparently no one
has enough willing suspension of disbelief
to go with anyone loving a fat girl.
I daydream regularly
about fucking my boyfriend vigorously on his front lawn.
3.
On the mornings I do not feel pretty,
while he is still asleep,
I sit on the floor and check the pockets of his skinny jeans for motive,
for a punchline,
for other girls’ phone numbers.
4.
When we hold hands in public,
I wonder if he notices the looks —
like he is handling a parade balloon on a crowded sidewalk;
if he notices that my hands are now made of rope.
5.
Dear Cosmo: Fuck you.
I will not take sex tips from you
on how to please a man you think I do not deserve.
6.
He tells me he loves me with the lights on.
7.
I can cup his hip bone in my hand,
feel his ribs without pressing very hard at all.
He does not believe me when I tell him he is beautiful.
Sometimes I fear the day he does will be the day he leaves.
8.
The cute hipster girl at the coffee shop
assumes we are just friends
and flirts over the counter.
I spend the next two weeks
mentally replacing myself with her
in all of our photographs.
When I admit this to him
we spend the evening taking new photos together.
He will not let me delete a single one of them.
9.
The phrase “Big girls need love too” can die in a fire.
Fucking me does not require an asterisk.
Loving me is not a fetish.
Finding me beautiful is not a novelty.
I am not a fucking novelty.
10.
I say, ‘I am fat.’
He says, ‘No. You are so much more’,
and kisses me
hard.
-
Rachel Wiley (via howweknewit) Teared up a little bit. For all the Fat girls. And the not-fat girls. For the Girls. For everyone. (via cora-bora)
Number 9 is life.
(via murrchav)
(via insomniaticthoughts)
You can actually feel it.
You can actually tell and feel when you’re starting to fade away from someone. The conversations get shorter, they get less meaningful, less exciting. You can feel the wall that’s coming up between you two. And then in the end, you’re back to being strangers.
Lol story of my life
(via insomniaticthoughts)
